Dear Diary | Let Yo' Soul Speak

Sitting here, in a very solemn state. As thoughts circle my mind like a merry-go-round. 

I'm writing freely. No subject. Just emotions. ..& probably not even that much. 

I'll be turning 24 in 10 hours. It's a little weird to me. 

I feel as if I just left high school. Around that time I was preparing for college. 

Planning for a future that would unknowingly, not go as planned. 

Sometimes I wish life were just a tad bit predictable. Sometimes. 

But I know its unpredictability is what makes it so beautiful & worth cherishing. 

Would you really go out and live if you knew what was promised? ..Probably not. 

If life moved at the beat of our drums, the lives we live would hold no weight. 

There'd be no element of surprise. Zero shock value. Minimal, if any, room for growth. 

&& hardly any interesting stories to share with your children & grandchildren. 

Which then means... no Cool Grandma Award. 

& that just has to suck. 

Knowing this, I'm really trying to become greater at accepting the little curve balls that's pitched my way. 

I believe that we're all able to attract both good and bad into our lives based on habitual thoughts and behavior but I believe, more so, that we all live according to Divine Order. 

Some things are meant for you. Some aren't. 

I feel when we're in possession of those things or beings that aren't, we face a great amount of strife when we fail to discard them. ..Because there is a plan. & when you refuse to go through with it, everything's thrown off. 

I'm a dreamer. I paint pictures often, through visualization. Most times what I see for myself, I actually attain. Others times, that isn't the case. & of course, if I pictured it I wanted it bad enough. 

To be denied is disappointing and 'no' can often make zero sense to me. 

In this case, I put up a fight. 

I usually fight because I'm hurt. ..out of fear. or both. 

Fear of what? ..Losing. 

Losing what? ..Time. ..sometimes Trust [which is hard to muster up as it is]. & most importantly Myself.

A big ole L? ..Who wants it!?

Answer: The person who's smart enough to know that Losing doesn't mark the end of the race but the beginning. 

I went to church last week and Sunday's subject just so happened to be "From Pain To Promise".

Three points were given. 

1. Your pain has a path. 

2. Your pain has a period.

3. Your pain has a promise. 

So basically, your pain comes with good reasoning and a journey. Take it. ..Knowing that eventually it will come to an end. & as with most vacay's you're sure to return with a renewed spirit.Your mind has been reset and your heart is overflowing.  These things are important when accepting your promise. 

So Losing, I'm learning, isn't all that it's cracked up to be. 

I feel we cry over losses because we believe that there's no greater win. 

Not realizing that what's in store can prove that loss to be the greatest win of them all. 

*currently accepting life's curves*

..because if she weren't curvy, would we love her? (-_-

-xx