Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Dear Diary | Who Gon' Stop Me!?

When I lost my job in July, everyone had sad faces. ..They felt bad. They wanted to help me out. Etc. 
I was grateful for their sympathy and extended hands but I honestly think they were more worried than I was. 
Ms. Optimistic

I read a quote once that said "When you lose something, it just means that someone else needs it more." I guess that helps with the sadness. Helps to keep the feeling of "unworthiness" at bay. ..The way I see it, we all get a piece. No one's ever without. So if someone else needs what I had MORE! ..I can't wait to see what's in store for me. & that's pretty much where my mind was for the entire month [and a day] that I was unemployed. ..I loved my job. It was easy. Super high-end. My co-workers were the best! ..I'm thinking to myself ..if it only gets better I might want to buckle up. :) 

..Because I had that place on my resume, I feel I was taken more serious when I applied for new jobs. No one really knew about the store but I had the required experience. 

I remember going on one interview, during my last few weeks there. I was then called back to meet with the store's owner. I was geeked! ..But when I didn't receive a call saying "you got the job!" I thought well ..another one bites the dust. I mean, I never expected my search to be easy. 

..So I went on another interview at a women's shoe store that I'd  been eyeing for a while. Loved the shoes. Hated the environment. I went in for a trial run and I just couldn't do it. Though I needed this gig like I need panties on a winter day, I refused to settle and lock myself into something I wasn't happy with. -- Not to mention the pay was pretty shabby in comparison to what I was making prior ..and not even close to what I expected to make [which was way more than before, of course.]

With this situation, I really just had to believe in myself and continue to have faith. I can't lie, I felt silly for a minute. I'd just been given a job and threw it away only after a day. Was I crazy? ..No. ...Convinced? Yea. 
I was convinced that I'd not only find better but that I deserved better. ..I cried some days because I hated my situation. There were so many things that needed to be done. Money wasn't promised. & the bit that I had laying around here wouldn't last forever. I had bills to pay. Moves to make. ...& all of that began to weigh down on me. ..Luckily I have really great people in my life who kept me uplifted when I could no longer do it alone. ...I took full advantage of the month that I had off. There was a lot of partying, picnics, naps on the beach, roof top events. I didn't allow myself to be controlled by what was going on. I lived.  & that moment when I completely let go. I received an email [from the place where I initially interviewed] which jolted me up from off of my bed and flooded my eyes with tears. They wanted me for the position. ;) I was excited!! ...& later that day I went in to meet with the Mgr. to discuss pay [which is pretty effin great btw]. Considering what I've already been doing, this gig is perfect for me. & I'm learning a lot. 

I also have a fit modeling gig which takes place during Fashion Week. I can't even sit still, thinking about it. Things are finally starting to make sense to me [& for me]. I felt stagnant for a while but the growth is eminent. I may very well be going places lol. 

I learned a good bit about myself during this time. A few things being, I'm a survivor. I have great friends. & I will not take any ole thing just for the sake of claiming it - that's a sure way to have an infinite amount of nothing. I am no longer that girl. 

I'm so very thankful! ..count your blessings!