Saturday, December 18, 2010

Dear Diary | I'ma Levitate Make The Devil Wait

I've complained about rough days before but I can honestly say, this week has been the most trying week of my life. I don't know where I'd be if  I were a pessimist. I'm actually marveled by the amount of faith and optimism I posses. I mean no one ever wants to struggle. I damn sure don't go through it with a smile on my face. I scream. I cry. I get soo angry. but I FIGHT. & I push through. & sometimes I'm hit hard. I fall. & I'm a little scared because sometimes it's more challenging than I expect. But I never stop fighting. Quitting is never even a thought. Too much is at stake. I told you a while back that I'm a painter. Mentally. In the world of my mind, I'm Picasso. Van Goh, even. My portraits are lively. Vivid. & they sell! I guess the daily works of this week was a test to see if I could turn something ugly into a masterpiece. I'm still working at it. But I believe in me. The sky won't be this grey for long. *dips brush in blue*

You know what I love though? I love the people with a piece a sh_ foresight. Those who don't see or simply refuse to see the victory for you. & believe me, you see a whole lot more when you're in the dirt. It's real down there. I'm super convinced that half of what's above the ground is an illusion. Success gets you a few bottles and a VIP section at a masquerade ball. Very few hands are extended to you. Alot of them are in their pockets, too cool to be bothered. Or too consumed in their affairs to care. When you're LIVING, they live to rub shoulders with you but wouldn't dare brush your shoulders off when the bombs drop. They long to be loved. Do anything for that cheek kiss. Anything to be in a spot where everybody knows their name. & if you're a pawn, you're a pawn. SO! ..Who signed up to care? 

I prefer to see it this way:
"When the sun goes down, that's the magic hour" -Ye
oh, trust!

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